We embarked on a new poem After Him, originally written as part of a poem-cycle White Sails Over Blue Blue Sea. This time, we launched into a discussion of the text before Aiden danced.
After Him
After him there is a dryness Like salt on sand Shallow water swallowed by cracked earth I start to say something Then stop Remembering the stillness without him Yesterday morning was like this Waking alone from sleeping alone from a day alone after a night alone This morning was different It was a day alone more and a night alone extra I can’t wait for tomorrow At least i’m alive But i lie Alive was something he taught me The daring to be Shielded by him I became me Now exposed to the world without him Who have i become ? I know this person I thought we said goodbye the day i met him Never realized i was hanging around Welcome back Life goes on after him Like hell it does Like traffic after a parade Crushing paperhats and tinsel tangled in busy wheels Magic trampled into mud and spit by time’s boots My heart will go on Cold as the icy dark water Numb as the song False as the film The only truth bleached out of it The only pure thing I cannot cry after him Because i cried so much before him And even more before him There is a dryness after him |
Jonathan Lim, 1999
<<insert first After Him dance>>
We continued analyzing the poem, springboarding off Aiden’s dance choices.
Note the side alignment of the text – does it suggest a groundedness and a heaviness underlying the thoughts, compared to the lighter tone of centre-aligned Maybe Not Me?
For example, Aiden pointed out that he took the phrase “at least I’m alive” as a trigger to open up the body and become more life-affirming. However, the next line is simple and revealing : “But I lie”. The persona is being somewhat cynical and maybe sardonic, possibly bitter – cutting down the idea of ‘alive’ so quickly and curtly. The next line “alive was something he taught me” is moderately affirming, but with a clear sense of alienation - as if “alive” was never his instinct or birthright, only something learned. This is verified further on by “now, exposed to the world without him / what have I become” – showing that the ‘alive’ was short-lived and easily lost.
In this case, the keyword “alive” point to an important aspect of the relationship – while the connectors around offer the poem’s dynamics/shape - showing that ‘alive’ is a brief escape from the current bitterness.
In his early improvisations, Aiden responded to “parade” as a grand, celebratory event, choosing to evoke a marching band. After analysis, we realized the persona brings up these happy memories in a bitter way, describing them as “magic trampled into mud and spit”. Based on this, he found a more twisted variant of the marching. This shift in dance inspired Sze Min to revisit her earlier happy “parade” music and twist it as well.
Rather than being overwhelmed by the multitude of readings and interpretations thrown up by the text analysis, understanding the text in such detail allowed the team to feel confident to leave the text to convey the bulk of its direct meaning; and feel free to evoke subtext instead. For example, having unpacked the Titanic pop culture reference (“my heart will go on”) in the poem, there was less pressure for Aiden or Sze Min to evoke the film. Instead, Sze Min chose to evoke the ocean, for all its vast moodiness; and Aiden evoked a sense of being adrift and slowly spiraling downwards – the subtlest drowning.
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